I am fortunate to work with a many clients who are grieving the loss of a loved one. I explain to them there is no set timeframe for grief, the love we have doesn’t die with the person, it changes and evolves into something else. However, on occasion we can become ‘stuck’ in our grief, unable to function within our daily lives.
I recently read this article about a 6 year old child whose mother died, her father was concerned about the grieving process, together they found a unique way of dealing with it.
This worked for the young child, because she had an understanding father, for others it would not work as well. They have got to a place where the ‘things’ that belonged to their loved one have almost more important than the memories. That doesn’t mean they are wrong, only that they may be holding themselves back from living the remainder of their lives to the full.
Sometimes we turn our grief into a punishment because we are still here but the one we love is gone. We can end up focussing on the negative aspects of their death rather than the fond memories we have of them when they were alive.
How would you rather be remembered? With some tears but a lot of smiles or with only tears and great sadness for years to come? I heard on the radio once someone being interviewed and asked about how they were coping with the loss of their wife:
“I decorate the hole in my life with the flowers of the wonderful memories we shared together”
We all need to go through the various stages of the grieving process in our own time and our own way. However, if the process has started to take over your life, if you are not interacting with others or merely existing then maybe it’s time to seek some support?
Living our lives after we have lost someone we love is not a betrayal of all we had together, it is a testament to the strength that relationship gave us. On occasion we are tempted to put them on a pedestal, they were perfect and therefore we find it impossible to live up to this perceived perfection, which never really existed, because no one is perfect!
What we are grieving for is the lost of their love in our lives, their presence and input into our daily lives, plus the ‘what could have been’. Regrets, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance are all part of a healthy grieving process, it is when you can’t get out of that cycle that you may need support.
For a no obligation chat please either email or phone me, because it is good to remember that nothing has to be the way it has always been.